نكتة عربية – Arabic Joke

ﻃﻠﺐ ﺍﺑﻦ ﻣﻦ ﻭﺍﻟﺪﺗﻪ (200) ﺭﻳﺎﻝ

ﻣﺎﺫﺍ ﺭﺩﺕ ﻋﻠﻴـﻪ ﺃﻣـﻪ ؟

ﻭﻗﻒ ﺍﻻ‌ﺑﻦ ﺃﻣﺎﻣﻬﺎ ﻭﺳﻠﻤﻬﺎ ﻭﺭﻗـﺔ. ﺃﻋﺪﻫﺎ ﻣﺴﺒﻘـﺎً ﺑﻌﺪ ﺃﻥ ﺟﻔﻔﺖ ﺍﻷ‌ﻡ ﻳﺪﻫﺎ ﻭﺃﻣﺴﻜﺖ ﺑﺎﻟﻮﺭﻗﺔ ﻭﻗﺮﺃﺕ ﺍﻟﻤﻜﺘﻮﺏ :

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﺗﻨﻈﻴﻒ ﻏﺮﻓﺘﻲ ﻟﻬﺬﺍ ﺍﻷ‌ﺳﺒﻮﻉ = 70 ﺭﻳﺎﻝ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﺫﻫﺎﺑﻲ ﻟﻠﺴﻮﻕ =20 ﺭﻳﺎﻝ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﺍﻟﻠﻌﺐ ﻣﻊ ﺃﺧﻲ ﺍﻟﺼﻐﻴﺮ

= 20 ﺭﻳﺎﻝ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﻣﺴﺎﻋﺪﺗﻲ ﻟﻚِ ﻓﻲ ﺗﻨﻈﻴﻒ ﺍﻟﺒﻴﺖ = 20 ﺭﻳﺎﻝ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﺣﺼﻮﻟﻲ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻋﻼ‌ﻣﺎﺕ ﻣﻤﺘﺎﺯﺓ ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﻤﺪﺭﺳﺔ = 70 ﺭﻳﺎﻝ

ﺍﻟﻤﺠﻤﻮﻉ = 200 ﺭﻳﺎﻝ

ﻓﺄﻋﻄﻮﺍ ﺃﻷ‌ﺟﻴﺮ ﺃﺟﺮﻩ ﻗﺒﻞ ﺃﻥ ﻳﺠﻒ ﻋﺮﻗﻪ.

ﻧﻈﺮﺕ ﺍﻷ‌ﻡ ﺇﻟﻰ ﺍﺑﻨﻬﺎ ﺍﻟﻮﺍﻗﻒ ﺑﺠﺎﻧﺒﻬﺎ ﻭﺍﺑﺘﺴﻤﺖ ﺑﺤﻨﺎﻥ. ﻭﺍﻟﺘﻘﻄﺖ.ﻗﻠﻤﺎ ﻭﻗﻠﺒﺖ ﺍﻟﻮﺭﻗﺔ ﻭﻛﺘﺒﺖ :

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﺗﺴﻌﺔ ﺃﺷﻬﺮ ﺣﻤﻠﺘﻚ ﺑﻬﺎ ﻓﻲ ﺃﺣﺸﺎﺋﻲ = ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﺍﻟﺤﻠﻴﺐ ﺍﻟﻜﺎﻣﻞ ﺍﻟﺬﻱ ﺃﺭﺿﻌﺘﻚ ﺇﻳﺎﻩ ﻋﺸﺮﻭﻥ ﺷﻬـﺮﺍً = ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﺗﻐﻴﻴﺮ ﻣﻼ‌ﺑﺴﻚ ﻭﺗﻨﻈﻴﻔﻚ. ﺳﺖ ﺳﻨﻮﺍﺕ = ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﻠﻴﺎﻟﻲ ﺍﻟﺘﻲ ﺳﻬﺮﺗﻬﺎ ﺑﺠﺎﻧﺒﻚ ﻓﻲ ﻣﺮﺿﻚ ﻭﻣﻦ ﺁﺟﻞ ﺗﻄﺒﻴﺒﻚ = ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﺘﻌﺐ ﻭﺍﻟﺪﻣﻮﻉ ﺍﻟﺘﻲ ﺳﺒﺒﺘﻬﺎ ﻟﻲ ﻃﻮﺍﻝ ﺍﻟﺴﻨﻴﻦ = ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻟﻠﻴﺎﻟﻲ ﺍﻟﺘﻲ ﺷﻌﺮﺕ ﺑﻬﺎ ﺑﺎﻟﻔﺰﻉ ﻷ‌ﺟﻠﻚ ﻭﺍﻟﻘﻠﻖ ﺍﻟﺬﻱ ﺍﻧﺘﺎﺑﻨﻲ = ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ

* ﺳﻌﺮ ﻛﻞ ﺍﻷ‌ﻟﻌﺎﺏ ﻭﺍﻟﻄﻌﺎﻡ ﻭﺍﻟﻤﻼ‌ﺑﺲ ﺇﻟﻰ ﺍﻟﻴﻮﻡ = ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ.

ﻳﺎ ﺍﺑﻨﻲ : ﺣﻴﻦ ﺗﺠﻤﻊ ﻛﻞ ﻫﺬﺍ ﻓﺈﻥ ﺳﻌﺮ ﺣﺒﻲ ﻟﻚ ﺑﻼ‌ ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ ﻓﺄﻏﺮﻗﺖ ﻋﻴﻨﺎﻩ ﺑﺎﻟﺪﻣﻮﻉ : ﻧﻈﺮ ﻷ‌ﻣﻪ ﻭﻗﺎﻝ :

ﺃﻣﻲ ﺳﺎﻣﺤﻴﻨﻲ ﺃﺣﺒﻚ ﻛﺜﻴﺮﺍ

ﺛﻢ ﺃﺧﺬ ﺍﻟﻘﻠﻢ ﻭﻛﺘﺐ ﺑﺨﻂ ﻛﺒﻴﺮ ..(ﺩﻳﻦ ﻻ‌ ﻳﻤﻜﻦ ﺭﺩﻩ ) ﻓﻜﻦ ﻣﻌﻄﺎﺀ ﻭﻻ‌ ﺗﻜﻦ ﻣﻄﺎﻟﺒﺎ ..ﺧﺼﻮﺻﺎ ﻣﻊ ﺃﺑﻮﻳﻚ ﻓﻬﻨﺎﻙ ﺍﻟﻜﺜﻴﺮ ﻟﺘﻌﻄﻴﻪ ﻟﻬﻤﺎ ﻏﻴﺮ ﺍﻟﻤﺎﻝ .

ﺍﻟﻨﺼﻴﺤﺔ : ﺇﺫﺍ ﻛﺎﻧﺖ ﺃﻣﻚ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻗﻴﺪ ﺍﻟﺤﻴﺎﺓ ﻭﻗﺮﻳﺒﺔ ﻣﻨﻚ ﻓﻘﺒﻞ ﺭﺃﺳﻬﺎ ﻭﺍﻃﻠﺐ ﻣﻨﻬﺎ ﺃﻥ ﺗﺴﺎﻣﺤﻚ ﻭﺇﺫﺍ ﻛﺎﻧﺖ ﺑﻌﻴﺪﺓ ﻋﻨﻚ ﺃﺗﺼﻞ ﺑﻬﺎ ﻭﺇﺫﺍ ﻣﺘﻮﻓﻴﺔ. ﻓﺎﺩﻉ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﻟﻬﺎ ﺑﺎﻟﺮﺣﻤﺔ ﻭﺍﻟﻤﻐﻔﺮﺓ …

ﻭ ﺇﺫﺍ ﺃﻋﺠﺒﺘﻚ ﺍﻟﺮﺳﺎﻟﺔ ﻓﺎﺩﻉُ ﻟﻮﺍﻟﺪﻳﻚ ﻭﻻ‌ ﺗﻨﺴﻰ ﺍﻟﻤﺮﺳﻞ ﻓﻘﻞ : ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﻏﻔﺮ ﻟﻠﻤﺮﺳﻞ ﻭﻟﻮﺍﻟﺪﻳﻪ…

ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﻏﻔﺮ ﻟﻲ ﻭﻟﻮﺍﻟﺪﻱ ﻭﻟﻤﻦ ﻗﺮﺃ ﺭﺳﺎﻟﺘﻲ ﻭﻭﺍﻟﺪﻳﻪ ﻭﺍﻟﻤﺴﻠﻤﻴﻦ ﺍﺟﻤﻌﻴﻦ..ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﺁﻣﻴﻦ

ﻫﻞ ﺗﻌﻠﻢ ﻣﺎﺫﺍ ﻳﺤﺪﺙ ﺑﻌﺪ ﺃﻥ ﺗﺘﻮﻓﻰ ﺃﻣﻚ ؟؟!

ﺑﻌﺪ ﺃﻥ ﺗﺘﻮﻓﻰ ﺍﻷ‌ﻡ ﻭ ﺗﺼﻌﺪ ﺭﻭﺣﻬﺎ ﺇﻟﻰ ﺍﻟﺴﻤﺎﺀ..

ﺗﻨﺎﺩﻱ ﺍﻟﻤﻼ‌ﺋﻜﻪ :

ﻳﺎ ﺇﺑﻦ ﺁﺩﻡ ﻣﺎﺗﺖ ﺍﻟﺘﻰ ﻛﻨﺎ [ﻧﻜﺮﻣﻚ] ﻣﻦ ﺃﺟﻠﻬﺎ ﻓﺄﻋﻤﻞ ﻋﻤﻶ‌ ﺻﺎﻟﺤﺂ ﻧﻜﺮﻣﻚ ﻣﻦ ﺃﺟﻠﻪ

————— –

ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﺭﺣﻢ ﺃﻣﻬﺎﺗﻨﺎ ﺃﺣﻴﺎﺀ ﺃﻭ ﺍﻣﻮﺍﺕ

————— —

ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﺟﻌﻞ ﺃﻣﻲ ﺳﻴﺪﺓ ﻣﻦ ﺳﻴﺪﺍﺕ ﺍﻟﺠﻨﺔ ـ ﺃﻧﺸﺮﻫﺎ ﺑﻘﺪﺭ ﺣﺒﻚ ﻷ‌ﻣﻚ

ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺍﺟﻌﻞ ﺃﻣـَﻲ ﻣﻤﻦ

ﺗﻘﻮﻝ ﻟﻬﺎ ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺭ :

{{{{ﺃﻋﺒﺮﻱ ﻓﺈﻥ ﻧﻮﺭﻙ ﺃﻃﻔﺎ ﻧــﺎﺭﻱ }}}}

ﻭﺗﻘﻮﻝ ﻟﻬﺎ ﺍﻟﺠﻨﻪ… :

…{{{{ ﺃﻗﺒﻠﻲ ﻓﻘﺪ ﺍﺷﺘﻘﺖ ﺇﻟﻴﻚ ﻗﺒﻞ ﺍﻥ ﺃﺭﺍﻙ

……ﻣﻠﺤﻮﻇﺔ ﻫﺎﻣﺔ: –

ﺍﻧﺸﺮﻫﺎ ﺑﻘﺪﺭ ﻣﺤﺒﺘﻚ ﻟﻮﺍﻟﺪﺗﻚ

ﻟﻌﻴﻮﻥ ﺍﻣﻚ ﺇﻟﻲ ﺣﻤﻠﺘﻚ ﺗﺴﻌﺔﺃشهر

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